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  • Writer's pictureLinda Milun

Emotional Intelligence

Updated: Mar 15, 2021

Highly-Successful people tend to have a high Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ). Society and science have shown, that the ability to deal with emotions and relationships in healthy and effective manners has a direct impact on the quality of leadership and successful businesses.

For many decades people focused on the IQ and defined success to be bound to the IQ. As the past years have made clear, a person with IQ, but low EQ, will not be as successful as someone, who has a high EQ. This indicates that this topic is important. In the following you will understand what Emotional Intelligence is and how you can improve your own EQ, so that you can be a high-achieving leader, staff, employee, parent, student, etc.

What is Emotional Intelligence? It is about how we handle and influence ourselves, our emotions and our relationships. To regulate one’s own emotions is extremely relevant to maintain healthy and stable relationships and to make people actually want to follow you as a leader without using force. Many statements and phrases confirm the logic behind it. Be it “Do what you preach!”, “Do to others as you want them to do to you!”, etc.

Daniel Goleman said:

„If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.“

There are different models, which are based on science, research and analysis. These models point out what areas Emotional Intelligence consists of:

I. Goleman’s EI performance model

It has four main areas and 12 sub-areas. The four main areas are:

o Self-awareness

o Self-management

o Relationship management

o Social awareness

II. Bar-On’s EI competencies model

In this model are five main competencies and 15 sub-competencies. The main

competencies are:

o Self-perception

o Self-expression

o Interpersonal

o Decision-making

o Stress management

III. Mayer, Salovey, and Caruso’s EI ability model

This model has four domains:

o Perceive emotion

o Use emotion to facilitate thought

o Understand emotions

o Manage emotions

All these models can help us understand, manage and improve Emotional Intelligence and have their reason and justification. In my personal opinion either model is beneficial.

In general, the most commonly used structure has four areas:

1. Self-Awareness = Ability to know yourself

2. Self-Management = Ability to control impulses & to manage internal resources

3. Social Awareness = Ability to read social signals in others

4. Relationship Management = How we cause desirable behaviors in others

As you can see, self-awareness and -management are focused on the “self”, where as social awareness and relationship management is focused on others and our interactions with them.

The ideal would be to grow up in an environment that positively supports one’s Emotional Intelligence. However, if you have not been in a social environment that supported it, the good news is, you can still learn and improve your Emotional Intelligence through intentional practices and habit changes.Even if you have already developed a decent amount of EQ there is always potential to grow. Be it stress regulation or overcoming procrastination - it all can be influenced through different tools and practices, which will impact your mindset and emotions.

Here are a few tips on how we can improve it:

A. Self-Awareness

· Get a Coach

· Personality test

· Psychometric tests

· Mindfulness

· Feedback from friends and at work

· Journaling

· Etc.

B. Self-Management

· Get Coaching

· Set goals

· Prioritize & create deadlines

· Structure your day/ Daily routines

· Stress management (This will be part of an upcoming article)

· Accountability (partner/peer)

· Train your strengths

· Work on your weaknesses

· Declutter your home, desk & life

· Don’t multitask

· Assess progress

· Etc.

C. Social Awareness

· Get a Coach

· Active Listening

· Observe body language

· Understand structures at work and society around you

· Work on your communication skills

· Observe other people’s behaviors and responses

· Think before you speak

· Understand emotions of others

· Etc.

D. Relationship Management

· Get Coaching

· Respect boundaries and place healthy boundaries

· Communicate expectations

· Be a role model

· Encourage others

· Show genuine gratitude for feedback

· Acknowledge the feelings, opinions and situations of others

· Be approachable

· Integrity

· Communicate decisions well

· Team building

· Etc.

Obviously, there is so much more what can be done and ways to work on our Emotional Intelligence. This article is a small glimpse of all that can be done. As you can see, I wrote for all areas that coaching can benefit growth and improve your Emotional Intelligence. I don’t just say that as someone who is a Coach, but I also say that as someone who experienced growth through coaching myself! Sometimes it’s challenging to see where and how to start. Sometimes we simply need someone who walks alongside with us. My experience shows me, that my clients always manifested growth, because they wear eager to learn and willing to work on themselves.

Emotional Intelligence is relevant, if we seek professional and personal growth. I want to invite you to start your journey today!

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